Tragedy

I have been putting off writing this, despite that I added the mourning ribbon yesterday ... it's just been too difficult to write about. But I had to get that last post off the main page, the one titled "Weekend Not Going As Planned." No, no one's weekend went as planned, not by a very damned long shot.

My sister-in-law passed away Sunday, July 6th. It was mostly unexepected, at least to me, and came as a complete and utter shock. She was sick, she had several serious health problems just discovered within the prior 6 weeks or so. But as far as I knew, treatments were taking place, and things were either stable, or in some cases showing signs of some improvement. There was no indication, at least as far as I knew, that something like this might be so imminent. I was planning to be down there the first of August, as they were going to watch Tyler while I went to Pennsic, and my brother had even said the other day he anticipated she'd be out of the hospital, stabilized and home for awhile by then.

I have no idea what exactly changed so drastically, but something surely did, and she passed away early Sunday morning.

Trish and my brother had been married 25 years this month, but had dated a long time before they got married (we used to tease them about that, in fact - when are you ever just going to give in and get married). She's been a part of the family for as long as I can remember.

I have been in such total and complete shock, it's hard to function. I'm sure it's nothing to what my brother and nieces are going through, which is part of my own pain - deep concern for them. To lose your spouse and mother anytime, but at only 49 years old, and so suddenly, is a tragedy that seems to me almost beyond enduring.

I am very glad I jumped on that first pair of socks so fast. My brother told me Saturday night (before all of this had happened) that they did arrive, and they did fit perfectly, and she was very happy with them. She probably only got to wear them one or two days, but at least I was able to get them there.

The first sock of the next pair is more than half done. I can't bear to look at right now, but when I can, I imagine I'm going to rip it out (which will be heartbreaking) and re-knit it into something that fits me. Not to sound crass - but I'm not going to keep the half-knit sock forever as such a painful reminder (there are other much more beautiful ways to remember someone than something ended half-finished, too soon), and I'm not going to throw it away. The best thing I can think to do is re-knit the socks and wear them in honor of Trish. Or re-knit them for one of my nieces.

Yeah, well, that all sounds fine, but I may not be able to do any of that, and they may well just end up getting stashed somewhere indefinitely.

I think that's about all I have to say for now.