Here's Hoping Things Get Better In ... Oh, 7 1/2 Hours

Well, it's been a rough end of the year. Of course, it's not fair to judge the whole year by that, but it's hard not to when all of the last week is so immediate ... so right in my face.

Christmas sucked. I'm sick (bad cold or beginnings of the flu, not sure). And I may be paying for counting my chickens before they hatched. My dream home that we've been working towards is suddenly sinking into a quagmire of uncertainty, like an elusive oasis.

The sellers' real estate listing contract expired today, or yesterday - I'm not sure when, but the bottom line is, it did, and they didn't renew it. So we don't even know if the place is still on the market or not! It was very much like suddenly getting the rug yanked out from under us. We were asked to wait a couple weeks due to this death in the family; we were waiting as patiently as we could, confident that as soon as we were able, we were going to make an offer, negotiations would ensue, and we'd get the house.

Then they suddenly - maybe - yank it off the market. It's the worst thing, because as long as it's still for sale, there's hope - if it's not even for sale, there's no hope.

Granted, I don't know that it's off the market. But they let their listing expire and didn't relist, and my agent has contacted them directly today advising that she has a "very interested, very qualified" buyer wanting to make an offer, but they didn't return her call. Not a good sign if they're still planning to sell it - especially when they hadn't had an offer in 10 months. You'd really think they'd jump at the potential of one after all that time.

There was some talk about them suddenly balking in the last few days about the price - apparently the house was subject to short sale, they didn't think they were going to sell it for enough to cover their mortgage and fees, and they started getting all angsty about that. But if they still want to sell it, I don't know why they'd not at least see what we have to say - for all they know, we could be offering their asking price. We haven't even made the offer yet. So for them not to even return my agent's call smacks to me of someone waffling about not selling the place at all.

And that is sending me into a near-devastating depression. Of course I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up about the place, but it was impossible not to. It was absolutely, positively perfect. I'm not just saying that because we decided we liked it. I'm not kidding - two years ago I made a list of my "ideal, dream house" - not the kind of dream house you'd design if you were building it yourself, but 'dream house' in the sense of what might already exist that we could buy. And I knew when I made the list that the likelihood of finding all those things in one house was slim, as they were quite a mish-mash ... things like acreage (at least 2 or 3) plus city utilities - that's hard to find. But I made the list as a true 'dream list' - the 'in a perfect world, this is what we'd find' type of house.

But lo and behold, this place had it all. The acreage, the city utilities, the water source (a river), the 4 bedrooms, the fireplaces ... every. Single. Thing. It seemed so incredibly meant to be.

Well. I'm trying not to deflate too much yet. The fat lady ain't sang yet. They haven't actually said they're taking it off the market. Maybe they've just been too busy to call my agent back. Maybe they do still want to sell it, just let the contract expire to save on the fees they'd have to pay a real estate agent. Maybe, maybe, maybe. If, if, yadda yadda. Sigh.

So that's where I'm at tonight, and it's not in my happy place. Maybe I'll have something better to say tomorrow.

Third Time's The Charm

This is the third post in two days about Christmas, although I deleted the other two. After spewing them out into the world, I decided maybe they weren't fit for public consumption after all. (Although they'd been read at least once before being killed off - thank you, Rhys, you're the best).

Let me try again. I'm not fond of this holiday. I think it's because of having to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning alone, it just kind of lost its sparkle for me. I know for a fact that I'm doing something different next year. My first idea was to buy everyone on my Christmas list a heifer (or portion thereof), and then go away for the holiday, just me and Tyler. Since Christmas will be on a Friday next year, that would make it easy ... a weekend trip.

Plan B would be to find something else to do around here - go volunteer somewhere, a nursing home, a homeless shelter, I don't know. Something to take my mind off wallowing in my own personal cesspit, which serves no good purpose.

I suppose I can give myself two years of adjustment. Last year I knew it would be bad, and it was. This year I was taken by surprise - I thought it would be better. It wasn't. So now I've learned my lesson, and I'll move on.

Speaking of moving on ... I've got three more days of weekend and don't know what to do with myself. I suppose packing would be a good thing ... I've accumulated a bunch of empty boxes that are just starting to get in the way. And it's gotta be done sometime. If our offer gets accepted on this house (after we make it next week), we may be able to move in 30 days. That's not very long when you're working full time and trying to do it all in evenings and weekends.

As for other things to do this weekend, I considered going into work as well. I have a lot to do, it would help me get caught up. Probably not today, but maybe tomorrow.

I guess that's all I have to say about that.

More House Dreaming

First of all, thanks Rhys for your comment and suggestion. That sounds like a great idea, and I will go check out Harbor Freight as soon as I'm done here. I agree - finding something that doesn't lock me into one way of arranging things would be good - it'll probably be awhile before I get everything 'just right' and in the meantime there will probably be a lot of rearranging. Plus, the way I add hobbies to my repertoire, expansion possibilities would be good. ;o)

I suspect that for some of the rest of the stuff, I'm just going to have to wait until I get it all there and see what I have. I may have some things I don't really want anymore (plastic bins of general crap that I'm never going to use), and I may find there are some things I would like to have but never got because there was no room for them here. I may not need nearly the 'wall o' cubbies' I had in mind, I may not have nearly as many things as I originally thought to tuck into such places.

And some of the stuff that I do keep isn't large enough to warrant it's own specially designed space, but too large for small cubbies and wicker baskets. (I know I have some unfinished wood boxes, a couple of glass vases I had plans for, things like that). I may find that wall cabinets work better than a bunch of cubbies, once I get it out and look at it all.

While I don't need to seriously limit what supplies I keep on hand (like I've had to do here), I do know that the more of the room I can leave clear, the more chance I'll have the space for my comfy chair I'd like to have.

My head's spinning with the possibilities. But I suppose I ought to focus on something else for awhile, because I know how I work - once I get there, make a cup of tea and sit down in the middle of the empty room to just sit for awhile, looking at the room, it'll start telling me what it wants. :o)

I suspect, to be more pragmatic, I could start focusing on this place for now. There are plenty of things we can pack up now, and in fact we've already started. Because we made up our minds - even if for some awful reason we don't get this particular house, we're committed to getting something bigger than this place, and moving. So either way it's happening, and some things we rarely use can be packed up now rather than waiting till the last minute for it all.

I suspect the most likely place to start is my 'attic' - the little areas off the sides of the main room upstairs, all tucked up under the eaves of the house as it were. Not going to be fun or easy, but has to be done.

Maybe I can get to that this weekend ... dark evenings are not the time to be rooting around up there.

Knitting and Other Memories

I haven't done any real knitting in a long time. Occasionally I pick up the sweater, do a row or two, then put it down again. There has just been so much else going on ... thoughts and planning about the new house ... getting ready for the holiday ... work being crazy, which makes me exhausted in the evenings ... .

I was thinking about this a lot lately, and I know part of the problem is that there is just so much to do around here, that really needs done, that I've been having a hard time 'switching off' in the evenings, and just relaxing and doing some knitting. I always feel 'guilty', like there's something else I should be doing.

I'm hoping it won't be like that in the new house. Oh, I know - there will be tons of stuff to do, for a very long time. But it won't be like here, where it needs done and I've neglected it because there's no way to really do most of what I want to do. It'll be different. We have half a lifetime of projects already dreamed up, there's always going to be something to do, but since most of it won't be stuff we 'have to' do, but that we 'want to' do; and because I know there are ways to get it done, it's just going to take time, I don't think I'm going to be as angsty about it. There'd be no point ... as I said, there are years of projects in my head with this place - no sense in trying to rush it, it just ain't gonna happen.

The other difference will be that there, I want to do them, and will be able to do them, so on weekends I will actually look forward to these projects. It'll be the highlight of my weekend, working on my new home, it won't feel like 'chores' - and hopefully then my relaxing hobby time can be just that again.

I want to dream up plans for my hobby room, but I seem to be having a hard time coming up with anything - probably because it's been so long since I had an area like that, that looked like anything, that I can't seem to wrap my head around the possibilities. Since this is supposed to be a fiber arts blog, I thought I'd brainstorm a little bit about that here.

While the house is beautiful and I love it, the rooms are not the largest I've seen. Two of them are average, 12x12. The other two are slightly smaller. Those slightly smaller rooms are going to be the guest room and the kids' room, so I get one of the 12x12 rooms for my hobby room. At least it's nice and square. But it's not like endless space that I can just dream up anything I want, and fit it in there. I will still need to be streamlined on storage if I want it all to fit, and look nice, and be really efficient work-wise. (Believe me, I'm not complaining - and entire 12x12 room all to myself, for just my stuff, is a dream come true!).

I know I want a clear work table for starters - white. I'd been using a banquet type table upstairs recently, the kind with legs that fold up underneath, but it's got that fake dark-brown woodgrain top, and I don't like such dark colors. I considered covering it with something, but I don't think I'd be happy with that - a cloth cover of some sort would be inconvenient, because a nice smooth table-top is best for most things; and I'm not keen on covering it with contact paper, just because. So some type of white or light color, smooth work surface for starters.

Then I just have to start thinking about the types of things I need to store:

Art Stuff
colored pencils, drawing pencils, sketch books, paints

Sewing Notions
thread, bobbins, scissors, pin cushions, tape measure, needles, elastic, buttons, etc.

Other Sewing Stuff
material, interfacing; patterns

Knitting Stuff
yarn! and needles

Embroidery Stuff
needles; floss; material; hoops and frames

Weaving Stuff
cones of yarn bought just for this; looms; shuttles; cotton warp

Miscellaneous Crafty Stuff
ribbons and trims; hot glue gun; beads; various lacings; paper cutter; God alone knows what else is in some of those bins

Books
I suspect that's pretty self-explanatory

Well, that's good to start with. I have three categories of stuff. Large things (material collection; yarn collection; looms); small things (all the stuff that can fit in little bins or baskets); and books.

So I need a bookcase. I have several, so I ought to be able to find something workable for that.

Large things - I'd already considered organizing and even inventorying my material, so I know what I have and approximately how much, then storing it in plastic totes in the basement, to save space. Since material is something I'm not going to need all handy, all the time, and since there's so much, there's not much reason to take up so much of my room storing it. I could do the same with the large yarn tote.

The looms are a dilemma - I'd like them handy, especially the ones with any work in progress on them. I have my tapestry loom with my learning project on it half-done, and I very much want to get back to that. But they're mildly bulky (none of them are huge, the biggest probably being 18x18 or so, but they're all oddly shaped and difficult to just tuck away). I'm thinking that for inkle looms, a shelf higher up on the wall out of the way would be a good place to set those. The Handy Weaver that I got as a gift last year could live on a closet shelf. The tapestry loom ... I suppose I could hang it on the wall. Or, I could design a small cubby someplace which is narrow and big enough to slip in things that need to or can stand upright, but be out of the way - my tapestry loom, my large sketch book, my cutting mats. Sort of like one of those baking sheet organizers that holds them all neatly and upright in your cabinets, only larger, and closed in. Heck, for that matter - a stock narrow kitchen base cabinet might be just the thing for that type of stuff. I know you can (or used to be able to) buy simple unfinished stock base cabinets for as little as $35 at the local home center. As a bonus, it would have a drawer. I could finish it, find some type of top for it ... ...

... here's a really grand idea, but I don't know if I can afford it. A couple of these stock kitchen cabinets, maybe one a bank of drawers, spaced apart with actual nice kitchen countertop across them, on one wall, as my work area. Hmm ... that would be nice. It would also be permanent, I'd have to be sure where I wanted it. It might still work to just buy a couple cabinets, set them where I want them, and place a work surface (table top, nicely finished wood, something) across the top of them - then I could move it if I decided to redesign.

Redesigning probably isn't going to be much of an option, though, so I'd better get it right the first time. Because the last storage area - for all the small stuff - I have in mind to build in a section of cubbies, then store all that little stuff in nice little wicker baskets, or fabric covered boxes, or a combination of the two - something like that. But that cubby section would be permanently attached to a wall, so moving it around would probably be a pain. I might even build it on the wall, which would make it even more difficult to move.

There are a few other little perks I have to think about. I want a comfy chair in their for sitting, besides the wheeled desk chair that will be my 'work station' chair. Well, I'd like one anyway - I don't know if there's going to be room for all this.

This was a fun way to begin the morning, but I have to go get ready for work.

Things Are Looking Up

A lot has happened in a few days. I decided to go for this house we fell in love with, and in the last few days I:

• got our preferred agent back on board
• got pre-approval for a loan to get the house
• had a home inspection on my house anticipatory of selling it
• have a cash sale for my house! (it's not in writing yet, but I'm confident it's a go - it's a verbal agreement with somene I know personally who isn't going to screw me over)

Things are really moving quickly and (dare I say it?) amazingly easily toward us being able to get this house we want.

We were going to go look at it today, and make our offer then. But unfortunately the family selling the house suffered a tragedy this week, and canceled all showings until after the first of the year. That's fine, I have no problem giving them this time - I feel bad for them.

But from all my agent has told me about their situation - even before the tragedy, and moreso after it - they're going to be anxious for any offer, and may well consider our first (low) offer, or if not, at least it sounds promising that we'll be able to negotiate something workable, quickly. Even my agent - a completely professional and usually cautious person who is more prone to telling us things like 'we can't predict what's going to happen, we'll just have to wait and see' - has made encouraging noises about our chances of getting this house.

So I don't want to be counting up unhatched chicks, but it is encouraging. I admit I'm already browsing online for ideas for furniture, rugs, etc. We're going to need a ton of stuff - that house is quite a bit bigger than mine, and has more rooms, I told the Dread Reverend that we'll probably have to deal with a few big empty spaces until we find just want we want and need for the place. There's a living room and a family room, but I only have furniture for one or the other. There will be a spare guest bedroom, but fortunately I have a spare bedroom set, with mattress and box springs, that I kept when I sold my dad's home (hoping that living in storage for a year and a half hasn't damaged it).

I'm getting my own personal/hobby room (smile) for which I'll need to design built-in storage systems to really nicely organize all my stuff, but that'll take time to figure out what I need, what'll look nice, what I can afford. All I know is that for the first time ever, I want to have a nice integrated system for my hobby stuff - not just stuff stacked higgledy-piggledy in ratty plastic containers on ratty plastic shelves. I want something nice and beautiful!

There was a period of time this week when I thought everything was falling apart and we weren't going to be able to get the house - to get any house, because I thought there was a serious problem with my house that was going to make it unsellable. (turned out I was wrong!) But when I thought that, I got so sad. I remember thinking, for once in my life, I'd like a truly nice place to live - is that so much to ask? Every place I've ever lived has been varying degrees of crappy ... apartments that ranged from so-so to barely liveable; the house we bought when I was married which was a major 'fixer-upper.' This house, which was a more than major fixer-upper when I bought it, and while we (my dad and I) did put a ton of work into it, it's never been really nice. It has crappy old carpet, slab foundation problems, mold problems, and it is just so tiny and cramped that even if I got something nice for the house, it was hard to notice. The kitchen is the nicest feature of my house (and I do love my kitchen), but I got that with a $5,000 home equity loan and designed it myself.

But to have a whole house, where my washer and dryer aren't in my damned kitchen ... with nice hardwood floors, not old carpet with wrinkles and shredded backing ... with room for things, instead of tripping over something every time I try to move around ... with the ability to have spare sheets and pillowcases, and know where they are (huge linen closet upstairs in the house) ... with closets everywhere, plus a whole basement - room for our stuff! ... it's truly awe-inspiring to me. And doesn't really seem too much to ask.

I think I deserve a nice home. I'm not talking about a mansion, I'm not talking about excess here. Yes, it has four bedrooms, but they range from average size to downright small (the smallest will become the guest bedroom, since it won't be used as often). The living room is 24 x 12, nice size, but not enormous. There is currently no back porch or patio, something very important to us, so we'll have to add that. It doesn't even have central air (but I don't really care about that, so that's okay). The driveway's gravel, not concrete (again, I don't care). But the point of all that is not to downplay it - it's a beautiful place. The point is to say, I'm not trying to justify buying myself some kind of $250,000 home that is way more than we need. It's just what we need, and comfortable, and well maintained, and has a couple of bonus perks that just make it really nice (the fireplaces, the 3 acres).

And I think it's my time to finally have a nice home, one that I don't have to be embarrassed when people need to come into it - having a party, or even needing a repairman in for something. I'm really psyched!

But I am trying to keep at least a toe or two on the ground ... I realize none of this is signed, sealed and delivered yet ... and anything can happen. So I try, really hard, to keep that in mind. But it is difficult. It all just feels so completely and totally right ... .

P.S. I was reading this over and noticed something strange I said - that we'd need "tons of stuff." God knows I have no intention of junking this new place up the way the old house is. I'm not planning to go out and buy things to fill every corner of the empty new house. :o) But the fact is, we'll need certain things ... furniture for the living room ... rugs all over the place, to help protect the beautiful hardwood floors ... chairs for the dining room table (I have a table now, but only one chair, since there was no room for more; at the new house I'll have room for, and need, 3 more - because we'll actually be using it to eat on, instead of having to eat in the living room holding our plates in our lap!) ... stuff like that. Just felt the need to clarify.

Still Here

I know I haven't posted in awhile. It's been rather crazy around here.

All kinds of stuff has been going on. Major blow-up at work wherein someone almost got fired and I considered quitting more seriously than I ever have before. Things are somewhat on the 'truce' side at the moment, so I'll wait and see how they play out ... and keep my options open.

I've also been on the house-search rollercoaster again. It's too funny how every time I start seriously thinking about buying a bigger house, one or the other of us starts having serious job problems. I don't know whether it's a warning, or a life lesson to be learned ... there are no guarantees, you gotta do what you gotta do, and let the chips fall where they may. I have no clue.

We've looked and looked at houses, but there's just this one that is stuck in my head perpetually - it's beautiful and as close to perfect as we've found. Nothing else measures up to it. And it's that close within our reach. Well, technically, we could buy it for the asking price today if we wanted. But it would exhaust my entire life savings, and I didn't want to do that - spend every dime in my savings. I wanted to leave myself a buffer. (the good news is, we don't need the buffer for any unforeseen repairs on this house - it's in perfect condition).

So I was hoping to make a lower offer, but I've been advised the house is subject to short sale, which leads me to believe they won't be able to take a much lower offer.

I keep browsing for other houses from time to time, but so far nothing else has turned up that's as good as this. It's frustrating. Sometimes I decide I'm just going to stay where I am, and fix this place up - and it could be fixed up to some degree, without a great expenditure of money. But there's only so much you can do with a house this small, with people who have as much stuff as we do.

Those two things have kept me pretty preoccupied in the evenings - well, that and Christmas. This year I'm actually on top of the Christmas game. Mostly. I've done most of my shopping already. I do all my Christmas shopping online, and most years since I've started doing it that way, I mess around till too late, and have to pay for extra shipping on everything to get it by Christmas. This year I started early enough that I have most everything bought and ordered, some of it already arrived and wrapped and under the tree (by December 15th!) and some of it on the way. Amazing.

Unfortunately, I do still have a few things to get, and I haven't found anything appropriate online, so I may have to venture out to an actual store, which I just freaking dread. But, tis the season and all that. Much as I don't like to do anything after work, my best bet would probably be to go out one evening during the week - probably less busy than a weekend. Maybe even tonight, since it's a Monday - might be a good night for it. And I should start soon, since I don't even know what I'm looking for. This is the part of Christmas shopping that can be fun, and can also be a pain in the butt - those couple of people I have no idea what to get, and stocking stuffers. Just have to roam stores until I see something appropriate - which, like I said, can be fun, or can be very frustrating.

I did work on the sweater a bit this weekend. Not nearly enough. Well, as winter closes in around us, maybe I'll be more likely to just sit in the evenings and get some serious knitting done. This is when I usually get the most of it done, winter evenings. Although I have so many other projects going on right now, it's difficult - whether I decide to keep or sell this house, it needs major fixing up before I can, and that's been consuming a lot of my time.

Busy, busy, busy ... but, as my dad used to say, it's better than the alternative.