Halloween - Our Way

Here's a sampling of how we do Halloween and Trick-Or-Treat around here.




You'd think some of them would be scared to come up and ask for candy ... and you'd be right, some of them are. The candy's in the 'treasure chest' sitting on the chair, and when the kids come up, the Commodore asks them if they've come to steal his treasure. More than half of them, at that point, look like they're thinking, 'Screw this, there's far easier ways to get candy.'


But you never know ... last year the Commodore made one kid who wasn't getting into the spirit of the thing 'walk the plank' (a board he laid out on the ground) and the child did not seem at all amused. However, he came back this year - dressed as a pirate. And reminded the Commodore of last year's event.

But the cool thing is, one woman's statement made it all worthwhile. It was late, Trick-Or-Treat was almost over when she showed up with a gaggle of kids, and told us, "You're the talk of the town! Everyone said, 'You have to go find the pirate house!' "

That was kind of gratifying.

Tyler wasn't exactly in with the theme, only because I never got around to making him a pirate outfit ... and since it was chilly, this one works well because it's very warm. It looks better when he'll keep the 'head' on, but of course he won't. (The 'head' being a hood that, when pulled up, looks like the top of a dinosaur head - very cute, for the several seconds he'll leave it in place). There are also spikes that stand up along the back, but I just couldn't capture a picture that got the whole effect this time.


All in all, a pretty fun time tonight.

My Masochistic Hobby

Yes, it's knitting. (What were you thinking?)

I've tried, over the years, to knit sweaters several times. Every time I had to give up because I'd get 3/4 of the way through (don't ask me why it took me that long to figure it out) and realize the thing was turning out monstrously the wrong size. Well, every time but one. I hopefully and optimistically finished that one, and didn't discover it's flaming disasterness until after it was all done.

I made my dad two sweater vests (he liked that sort of thing). The first was too small. The next was so much too huge it would have been comical if I weren't so pissed (it was his only Christmas present that year, and I was finishing it on Christmas Eve when I realized it was miles too big - so no time to do anything about it, or even get something else).

But ... despite all evidence that I'm an utter failure at knitting sweaters, I've decided to try another one.

My problem has always been (I think) gauge. In knitting, you're always supposed to knit a gauge swatch - a piece of knitting using your chosen needles, yarn and stitch pattern - at least 4" square, and then take measurements to match up what you're knitting with the size you want to knit. And I always do a gauge swatch! In fact, after the first or second disaster sweater, I did much larger gauge swatches, sometimes as much as 14" square.

Why? Because my curse du jour was that my knitting seemed to get much looser the farther I got with it. My gauge would be dead on at the beginning, and it wasn't until I had, say, and entire sweater back done that I'd discover it had enlarged and was now 3 sizes bigger than I'd intended.

The only thing I could figure out was that somehow the knitting was stretching as the piece got bigger and heavier. Yet I'd never heard any other knitter complain of that, nor had I ever read any suggestions to counter-act that. So ... I can only assume that it was me, that my stitches just got looser and sloppier as I knit.

I decided to try yet again, but with a scheme to counteract that tendency. Usually when you make a sweater, you first measure the intended recipient around the chest, then add several inches to that for ease - otherwise, the sweater will fit like a bathing suit, not a grand idea.

I chose my measurement size, then purposely didn't add the ease. I figured that way, when the thing ended up several inches bigger than it should, it will 'just fit.'

I think this may be a faulty plan, but ... I'm trying it. And so far, it seems to be working. I have about 12" of sweater back done, and checked the measurement - sure enough, it's 1" wider than it should be. One inch isn't much - oh, it's enough to make something not fit (because that's 1" on the back, and 1" on each front side piece, adding up to 3" or more too big - if you'd already added ease to make the thing loose to begin with, you end up with a sweater that you and your best friend could wear at the same time ... which may be okay under certain circumstances, but was not my goal).

However, without having added the ease, adding 1" to all the pieces of the sweater by 'accident' will, in fact, make it the right size.

In theory anyway. I still wish I could just get the damned gauge right, and don't understand why I've never seen anyone else mention this problem. I cannot be the only one.

Anyway - I'm still kind of cautiously psyched about the sweater, and will keep you posted.

In a brief other-news update, Tyler's been doing GREAT! His eyesight is back to being what it was at least back in the early summer, before the eye catastrophe struck - he navigates around the house and yard without any issue, even when things get moved around. He follows me around the house with no problem. He seems to feel good, has been perky, interested, had a great appetite lately. Just all around seemingly doing really well.

No thanks to the waste-of-time holistic vet I took him to last week. I can't remember if I wrote about that. If not, I might, some day.

In My Backyard Today.

One of those autumn 'gift' days.

I. Am. So. Screwed.

I think I'm in for a rough couple weeks, if it lasts that long.

I said in my last post that after 12 years of harassment and bullying, I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I told my boss last Wednesday that I was going to start looking for another job.

Initially he was devastated, and practically begging me not to go. I was grateful for his appreciation, but tried to explain to him that I just couldn't take it any more.

One of the reasons I'd never said that to him before, wouldn't say it until I was prepared to have to leave, was because I was afraid there was a chance he'd just wig out and fire me. But initially it didn't look like it was going in that direction.

Today, however, things clouded up. One day last week one of the things my boss started talking to me about was how he always feels so overwhelmed at the office, how he can't keep up with his work, and constantly fears a grievance. I told him that I could think of a dozen things with no effort that we could do to streamline processes, save time, and make the office run more efficiently. In fact, I'd tried to talk to him about many of these things before, but while he'd always say "That's a great idea!" he'd just never do anything about it.

This time he jumped on it, and said that was great, he wanted to hear my ideas, and told me that on Friday we'd get out of the office, go out to lunch or something, and discuss my ideas.

That night I started putting together a list, but then realized - wait a minute. This is so totally not the issue right now. We have a far bigger fish waiting for the fry, he asked for seven days to try to resolve this 12-year-old problem (that's a kind of double entendre, for sure), and that seven days was going to be up Wednesday - we really needed to focus on that, and not get sidetracked on other issues. So I decided I wasn't going to have that meeting with him on Friday after all.

But Friday he seemed to have forgotten about it, and never mentioned it, and I said nothing.

Today when I got there, first thing, he came up to me and said, hey, we forgot about our meeting on Friday, we have to reschedule that, how about today. I took a deep breath, and calmly said, "Well, actually, I'd like to postpone that meeting, because it occurred to me that we have a bigger issue to deal with this week, which is far more urgent, and I don't want us to get sidetracked on something else, we need to address this other problem first."

He got pissy. He stalked off angrily, then turned back around and said, "Well, could you at least give me a list? Just write down these 12 'clever ideas' you said you had?" With very snotty emphasis on the 'clever ideas' phrase. It was just a snotty, pissy statement.

I looked at him for a moment, then just said "Okay" and went back to my office.

I debated not doing it, but decided I would anyway, just so as to not give him any excuse to accuse me of not being a team player or trying to help the office. But I wasn't feeling terribly motivated, and didn't get it finished by the end of the day. He didn't ask for it.

A little while after that conversation, he went and closeted himself in the office manager's office, for about 20 minutes ... then came out all cheerful, even with me.

So, I'm quite paranoid about that. I'm fairly certain that he's told her what's going on, and I'm concerned that they are, together, cooking up something pretty shitty for me. She's very persuasive with him, and he always listens the most to the last person who said anything to him. Since he's not talking to me, that'd be her. God alone knows what kind of utter and complete bullshit she's feeding him.

I knew when I did this that I took the chance of it going this way. I'd hoped for more adult-level dealing, but apparently my hopes were misplaced. I think things are about to go horribly downhill for me at this place.

And certainly nothing's changed with her. She's still using the bottom step outside my door as my 'in-basket,' refusing to speak to me, and has currently not produced my health insurance check, which is due now (I have a private policy which my boss pays, but she has to give me the check every month). It's not late yet, but it's getting close, and is past the time she usually gives it to me by.

I'm totally torn as to what to do. I'm horribly tempted to just quit - with or maybe without a 2 weeks notice - to just get the &$@* out of there before something really awful happens. But I'm really worried as to how that will effect my future job prospects. I've considered giving a two weeks notice, then just looking afterwards. But I don't know what I'd tell potential employers as to why I did things in that order.

Another alternative is to try to find something as fast as I possibly can. Maybe I can look into temp work. I could always say I quit this job and purposely did temp work because I wanted to explore other fields until I found something I wanted to do - because I wanted to get out of the legal field. After 19 years of depressing divorce cases, that wouldn't be too hard for anyone to buy.

Or, I could quit and start drinking 24/7, and then get Social Security Disability for incurable alcoholism. Apparently it's possible - we had a client who did it. Of course, he died in his 40s of liver failure. But then again, I just found out the girl who works at the office next door died of a heart attack over the weekend, and she was only in her 40s ... that's probably the direction I'm headed in if I don't get a break pretty soon. (I morbidly wondered if I could get her job, but I remembered that before they hired her, the other girl there, Kim, told me about the opening, but you have to be a paralegal - and I'm not).

I am so screwed.

And so, finally ... it begins.

I've been trying to write this blog post for three days. It isn't easy. (and I've edited it even since it was posted).

Earlier this week I told my boss that I was going to begin looking for a new job. This is a big deal, for a couple reasons.

First, I've been there for 14 years. I've worked myself up to a place where I make really decent money (for this area, for someone with no formal training), which gives me a quite comfortable standard of living. I also have a lot of perks and benefits on this job, and ultimate job security - I would never, ever have to worry about being let go, for any reason. (and, I just bought a house less than 2 years ago!)

Second, my boss relies on me absolutely. I manage a large chunk of his legal practice, autonomously, with little to no intervention on his part. Which means, for him, he knows that vital work will get done, get done right, and get done on time without his having to even think about it. That's a pretty valuable thing for an attorney or any boss to have - and he knows that he'd have a very, very hard time replacing me. Not that I've ever considered myself irreplaceable, because I haven't - though my boss himself has said that I practically am. From his perspective, finding someone who can do the work, and going through the requisite time and training until he can trust them like he trusts me, would take years - years during which he'd suddenly have a very hard time of it, because he'd have to get very hands-on again with the work, monitoring and supervising everything. Something he doesn't want to do. Not to mention that finding anyone else who will put up with the circumstances that are causing me to leave is almost impossible, in itself.

So it's not that I can't be replaced, but it would be very, very inconvenient and difficult for him in the meantime.

For those reasons, my ever leaving there was really not considered an option. Until this week.

I always said I would never even start looking for a job behind my boss' back, without at least telling him. This was in part because, except for one major thing (which I'll get to in a minute), he's always been a very good boss, and personally been very good to me, having done me some pretty decent favors that have nothing to do with work. Out of respect for him, I felt I owed him the decency to warn him if I decided to look for another job, instead of simply giving him a mere two weeks' notice to try to replace me - as much as he relies on me, that would just be nasty.

The other important consideration was that, despite that in most things I'm bullet-proof with him, I always knew that if I was actively seeking a new job, it just might piss him off enough that he could turn on me, and he might even fire me. So I knew that I could never use that as a threat to get something from him (not that I would) or to try to force a change in this intolerable situation, and if I was ever going to say I was looking for a new job, I had to be absolutely, 100% prepared to really leave this job - possibly earlier than planned. Because he might just decide to fire me instead.

Well, he didn't (yet). When I told him, he was extremely devastated and upset. He really didn't want me to leave. But he did understand why (more on that, again, in a minute). First he asked me to give him just 7 days to try to work out a solution. Against my better judgment, but again out of respect for him, I agreed. So my hands are tied until this coming Thursday; then I can proceed upon my job hunt.

It was kind of a waste of time, because there's not going to be anything he can do to fix the situation. The only fix available at this point, he won't take the step.

What's this all about? I've been harassed by a co-worker for the last 12 years, the entire time she's worked there. People who know me know enough of it that there's nothing I need to say. People who don't know me, there's no way to explain the situation fully in any amount of blog posts. But I can try to sum it up like this.

This co-worker has harassed and bullied me for 12 years. She routinely yells at me, talks down to me in an incredibly snotty, condescending manner, and just makes nasty, mean comments to me. Now, she doesn't do this 100% of the time. About, maybe, 20% of the time she acts normal - just treating me like any normal person treats any co-worker, pleasant and decent. But it's that other 80% that I can't take. And the 20/80 split isn't always spread out over a standard work week. She might be decent for a month or two, then go for six or eight months treating me like that every single day.

It's also not just me. She has treated every single person who works in that office like that, for 12 years. We can't keep people working there, in large part because of her. We've gone through about 25 people in the 14 years I've been there, and all but one or two of them left either mostly or at the very least in part because of her treatment of them.

The current crop of employees all hate her, because she's such a nasty bitch to everyone all the time.

But what's impossible to explain in a mere blog post is, she's not just a 'difficult' person, she's not just a little mean - she's completely over the top whacked, it's impossible to get along with her, to please her, or to even endure her for very long. She's not just mean, she often has screaming fits of absolute rage, where you really don't know what she's going to do.

Everyone who currently works there, and everyone who has had any amount of contact with her on a regular basis that I've ever talked to, all have exactly and completely the same opinion: we all think she has a real mental disorder, and needs to be on medication. Lately even the boss admitted to me that he feels the same way! (why he's not doing anything about it, I'll get to in a minute). Even her own family has contacted my boss twice in the last two years expressing concern for her mental state, and asking his intervention. (to date, as far as I know, he's ignored these requests).

It's possible that she's bipolar, I don't know - I'm no mental health expert. I do know that I've never in my life known anyone who can be so just downright mean - she will say the nastiest things designed solely just to be as hurtful and rotten as possible. And as I said, it's not just that, it's sometimes fits of absolute rage.

A few years ago she had a major meltdown, screaming at a co-worker so bad that this person walked out and never returned. Around the same time the boss was receiving complaints about her from EVERYONE - the office staff, clients, every one of his friends who ever call the office, just about everyone. When he sat her down to try to talk to her, she flew into one of those fits of rage at him and stormed out of the office. (He is not immune to her treatment either, so he also gets it first hand - he just has more control over the situations than we do because he's the boss). That time he was actually pissed, and seriously considered firing her. I told him then - again - that I didn't see how I could continue working with her. He promised me that as a condition of not firing her, he would 'make her' get mental health treatment and any medication she needed.

Unfortunately, he didn't follow through. Which he now admits he wished he'd have done, but ... it's too late now.

While I said she treats everyone like this, she has had a personal vendetta against me in particular for years, for I believe a couple reasons. First, I'm the only person still there who has been there longer than her, and she can't (or hadn't been able to) get rid of. If I had left, she would be totally in charge because she'd have the place by the balls, basically. She could be as much of a tyrant as she wants, and there would be no one to thwart her at all. But with me there, I'm always a thorn in her side. I encourage people to not take her shit, to go to the boss and complain about her - NOT until they've come to me first. I never start out with any new employee by bad-mouthing her, I never say a word until they've finally given up and come to me to ask WTF. I've been accused in the past of 'purposely turning new employees against her,' but it's ludicrous. A), I don't, and B), I don't have to, as she does that herself quickly enough. I had also never had any qualms about going to the boss and complaining about her myself - even though it rarely did me any good, I still did it. At least, until about a year ago when that began to backfire because he began to tell her. Then I just gave up. But despite how much she ruins my job for me, I'm the one person she can't cow, who won't just back down and kiss her ass because of being afraid of her - like everyone else does.

So that's one set of reasons she has a particular hatred for me. I'm the only one she can't completely control, and the only one who has been there longer than her, thwarting her plans at Total Office Domination.

The other reason is this. About 5 or 6 years ago, she slammed me up against a wall. It wasn't calculated, as in she came up to me, grabbed me and slammed up against the wall. It was more subtle than that. She'd been in one of her horrible bad moods, just evil bad, a sort of simmering rage, for days. I was walking down a hallway when she came flying out of a doorway I was nearing, walking so fast she was almost running. She initially bumped into me, because of her hurry and her anger. But that's where things went awry. As soon as she made contact with me, instead of stopping, moving away, even maybe saying "I'm sorry" or "Are you okay?" like any normal person would do - instead she leaned in and just slammed me up against the wall, then went on by, without saying a word. Much the way a rude person might push someone out of their way if they were rushing through a crowd for some dire emergency.

It didn't matter to me that it wasn't calculated and pre-planned, it was still utter bullshit. In the moment she had to make a decision, she chose to do the wrong thing, to take her psychotic rage out on me because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Well, I told the boss I wouldn't work with her anymore. I left for the day, and told him I would not be back to work until he could guarantee my safety. I considered quitting. I considered filing assault charges against her. But something happened. Because this wasn't planned by me, I was in no real position to lose my income just then. And the next day, my boss was mad at ME. He'd talked to her, she'd of course denied the whole thing, and he'd decided that I was just making mountains out of molehills, blowing the whole thing out of proportion, and trying to cause trouble. He as much as ordered me back to work, and I began to fear he was going to fire me - and that I might not even be able to collect unemployment, because it was my word against hers, and the boss obviously believed her. (That's also why I didn't just quit and attempt to collect unemployment, or file charges against her - because it was my word against hers, with no witnesses; she'd never done anything like that before; and my boss was siding with her; I figured I'd never be believed, and would look like a trouble-causing liar in the process).

So I settled on a compromise of working part time.

This worked pretty well for a few years - the perk of only having to be there a few hours a day went a long ways to offsetting having to be in the same building with her, and she was so furious at me that she mostly stayed away from me for months. But unfortunately someone eventually quit (again), and I was forced to go back to work full time.

Meanwhile, the boss told me later that since that time, she particularly 'detested me' - because she still maintained that I had fabricated the whole thing simply to cause her problems, and maybe to have an excuse to go part time (which I otherwise would never have been able to do). In fact, at the time he told me this, a year or two ago, he almost seemed to be implying that her hatred of me, and accordingly her treatment of me, was my fault, because of what "I" did. (that was then; he now admits she's nuts, though I still don't know whether he ever believed me about that incident).

So those are a few of the reasons I am her particular favorite target.

The reasons the boss won't do anything about her are complex and convoluted. Since her first days in the office, she's been ass-kissing the boss and his entire family - she made a point of ingratiating herself with them early on, and also trying to make herself as indispensable as possible. She handles all my boss' personal bills and financial matters, is hip deep in his children's school, church and social activities, as well as their medical care; she is the liason between his mother's nursing home and him; and she cares for the boss' aging and ailing father, in addition to her office work. She's like his personal valet and servant, in addition to the office manager, where she also handles ALL the money and finances of the office. He's come to rely on her so totally and completely in his personal life that I think he's afraid he just couldn't function without her.

Despite her craziness, he also considers her a friend. She goes to all their important family functions, holidays, birthdays, church functions, etc.

Lately he's begun to admit that he knows she's crazy, but he says he simply doesn't know what to do. He says he "can't" fire her. I think this is in large part because he's afraid of what she'd do. I have no doubt she would completely and totally lose her mind if he fired her - her entire being is so wrapped up in being his family's personal assistant and his office manager, that I think she'd just completely come unglued if he fired her. And I think he knows that, and doesn't want to be the 'cause' of that. Despite he admits she's nuts, he also says he does care about her. And, she's VERY close with the boss' father, so for that reason also, he doesn't want to do anything that drastic.

For years, in his ongoing refusal to deal with the situation - for those reasons - he left us all thrown to the wolves. He refused to do anything when I complained about her. Everyone else became afraid to complain about her, as everyone knew that he wouldn't do anything, and he might instead get mad at them for badmouthing this person who was so important to him. For awhile he started telling her every time someone complained about her - his excuse was that he couldn't correct the problem if he couldn't tell her what the problem was. This only resulted in her becoming furious at the person who complained, and making their life even more than usual a living hell for awhile. Which meant, of course, that we had no recourse whatsoever against her treatment of us.

I am not sure whether the boss really thought that would help, or whether it was his way of trying to avoid the whole issue - because it certainly resulted in everyone (myself included) refusing to bother telling him anything anymore. He has a track record of trying to avoid dealing with this situation. So to his way of thinking, the problem was resolved, at least for him - he didn't have to hear about it anymore.

Problem was, it certainly wasn't resolved, and has now escalated to new levels of unendurability.

As for why we - the employees - couldn't just gang up and say 'Screw you, we've had enough.' Well - it's just not possible with her. If it were a "normal," sane but just mean, nasty person, this might work. Not with her. There is no "reasoning" with her, it's simply impossible. The minute you even try to suggest anything that constitutes criticism of her (or she even thinks does), she flies into a rage. You can't have, much less win an argument with her, because she will just talk louder and louder until she's screaming so that you can't possibly say one word. She will resort to nasty, mean, horrific things to say to you, anything to shut you up. No morals, there are no lines she won't cross at all. Since none of the rest of us are confrontational, nasty people, it's like - well, it'd be kind of like putting a grizzly bear and a small friendly dog in a cage. She'd just maul us, and we'd never have a chance, because none of us can think as evilly as she does, or would resort to the tactics she would use to 'win.'

I know. I tried, just once, and it was horrific. Never again.

So ... that's where the situation was last week when she finally did one last thing to me that was just that proverbial final straw. And then, after that happened, I began to discover that for about the last couple weeks, she has been actively sabotaging my ability to do my job. Which is a new low even for her - that's one thing I've never really had a problem with, with her before, I always assumed because she knew that sabotaging my work would ultimately negatively impact the attorney, not just me. But apparently things have changed. A bunch of stuff all began becoming evident all at once, that all could be traced directly back to her - taking documents, information and phone messages from clients whose cases I am solely responsible for, then making sure that I don't get the information, and that it's not even scanned in (it's office policy to scan every document that comes into the office; if that were done, when documents came up missing, I could at least re-print them; but by not scanning them, I can't even do that). Not providing me with information from clients that only she has, which causes me to miss deadlines or not be able to complete tasks the attorney relies on me to do. In one instance, even making disparaging comments about me to a client (I don't know who, so I can't even ask the client to corroborate - I over heard her end of the conversation, and know she was talking to a client at the time - but don't know which one).

It's just gone too far. And my boss will not do anything about her because he can't.

So, for all that ... I finally told him last week I'm going to start looking for another job. I hate that I have to do this, as after 14 years I've worked myself into a position I won't be able to easily replicate starting brand new somewhere else. I'm going to probably take a cut in pay and benefits, and not have anywhere near the freedom and autonomy I have at this job.

But ... I just can't take this harassment and sabotage anymore. Life's too short for this, and I deserve better. Financial security is a beautiful thing, but no amount of it can make up for the abuse and harassment I've had to endure from this psycho, and ... well, to paraphrase an old commercial, no matter what happens financially, the peace of mind and lack of abuse in my life will be priceless.

I don't, however, intend to just fly out of there taking the first job that comes my way. I'm hoping, with the light at the end of the tunnel of knowing I'm finally doing something, to be able to take the time to hunt out a position that's right for me, even target specific places I'd like to work, rather than taking whatever presents itself in the local paper or online job search engines. I want to conduct a proactive job search, not a reactive 'get out at any price' one. And I'm trying to be optimistic that in time, I will find the perfect place for me, with sane reasonable people who respect me and don't abuse me, making good money, a place I enjoy going to every day, instead of dread like now.

One thing could blow this all up. When the slamming me up against the wall incident occurred, initially my boss was upset (not at me), frustrated, and sympathetic towards me. By the next day he was angry at me, and grew angrier every day for the next several, until I returned to work. He'd begun to blame me. After he talked to her.

I told him on Wednesday that I was going to leave. For the rest of the week he was not angry at me, but very upset at the situation, and desperate to try to fix it and keep me. But if, over time, things shift again like they did last time, and he grows angry with me for 'abandoning' him and wanting to quit, things could get ugly. It's possible he could find someone else to do my job and just fire me.

That was a chance I knew I'd be taking when I told him, and I'm prepared to accept it, if that's what happens. Anyway, that might not be the end of the world. If he fired me because I told him I was looking for a new job, I could get unemployment without having to worry about anyone believing my story about my crazy co-worker, and then I'd have some income to tide me over, and more free time to work on the job search.

So ... we'll see what the next week brings. I'll keep you posted.

Abney Park New Video

Too awesome! Abney Park's newest CD goes on sale tonight at midnight, and they released a new video of one song from the CD. It's pretty awesome!

House Projects Update

I'm finally getting psyched about house projects again. It's funny what random occurrences can trigger a new line of thought.

I was out with Tyler in the yard one day a couple months ago, and an elderly gentleman happened by on his morning walk. We'd run into him once before and stopped to chat, so he stopped to chat again. I remember he told me his name was Frank, well it was really Francesco, but he goes by Frank. Very nice old gent. And I remember we were talking about houses, and how much work they could be. While of course this was a great house, well maintained, there were all kinds of things we personally wanted to do to change it, and things needed updated.

He said he was going to tell me the same thing he'd told his son, when he bought a house - just focus on one thing at a time, and don't move on until you get that one thing done.

Well, it's kind of common sense, and in fact I'd said when we bought the house that's what I was going to do ... but somewhere along the way I'd lost sight of that goal, and had gotten overwhelmed with all the things that I wanted or needed to do, to the point of near paralysis and getting nothing done at all.

Frank's reminder got me thinking again, and I re-focused on that way of looking at things. I decided that's exactly what I was going to do. The dining room was bugging me the worst, and I decided that I wasn't going to think about any other room in the house until I got the dining room done - with a goal of having it done in time for Thanksgiving dinner.

It's worked out well, as I've made steady progress on this room (okay, maybe not quite as fast as I'd like, but ... all things considered, as well as can be expected). And what makes me happier is that I'm sticking to the plan - focusing on this and nothing else till I get it done, and being relentless in getting it done - rather than just letting it languish, as I had begun to do for too long. This serves the dual purpose of (a) actually getting something accomplished, and (b) no longer feeling so overwhelmed about the rest of the house, as when some other room starts to bug me, I just remind myself, "I'm working on the dining room now. Later I'll get to you, then you will be my sole focus."

This weekend and last night we finished up getting the supplies needed to complete the top molding (or moulding, as Home Despot spells it, but Dictionary.com approved my way as well, so I'm going with it - moulding looks funny to me). We'd decided to take advantage of some little tricks to avoid mitering anything, as while it's not impossible, it's kind of a pain in the arse I'd prefer to avoid, at least in this room (and I can't currently locate my dad's miter box, anyway). They sell little corner pieces that leave you straight edges to butt the molding up against.

But we discovered the strips of molding were 11' long, and our wall is - of course - 11' 3". I didn't want to buy extra or do a lot of math, much less patch pieces together any more than necessary, so we got clever. Greg found some square decorative bits that we'll use in the center of each wall, so again, only have to butt the molding up against a flat surface (and one 11' strip was sufficient for each wall).

As a bonus, they're cool looking, and it's something unusual and unique - always a plus with me. So I'm psyched. I'm going to do some special painting on these, but that'll remain a surprise till they're done. (Unfortunately that'll make it take longer, but it'll be a lot of fun, so I'm kind of excited about it).

I'm hoping to work on this during the week, not just weekends. Only having Saturdays for house projects has been another thing that has slowed me down more than I like, so I'm going to start trying to find time during the week to get a little done as well. The molding needs cut, primered and painted before it can be put up - the painting at least I can work on during the week. And of course the decorative little project mentioned above.

That'll be a major step in giving this room a more finished look. Next is baseboard, and painting the rest of the trim, fixing up the coat-hanging and shoe-storing area, and figuring out what to do with that stupid window thing into the spare room ... this.




To the left of that, between it and the door, I'm installing coat hooks, and underneath it I'm going to arrange an area for wet shoes and boots during the winter. But that thing ... I considered trying to patch it up to just make it a big solid wall, but it would be very tricky, and would never look quite right anyway - it would always look 'patched' - so I'm not sure I want to do that. Instead I'm trying to figure out a way to make use of it creatively. One idea I had was to line it with shelves and put little bins or baskets in it for gloves and hats during the winter - but it won't serve much purpose during the summer, so I'm unsure about that one.

And we need to get busy on the door issue if we're going to get anything done before winter, but I'm torn on that.

Of course, the banquette (booth seating thing I have in mind) is a major undertaking, and I'm not ready to tackle that yet. And it may well be that part doesn't get done by Thanksgiving - but that's okay, as we have other tables and chairs we can use, as long as the room overall looks decent. I have plans in mind for how to build my own banquette, instead of buying one (money's starting to get to be a bit of an issue, and they are ungodly expensive pre-made), but I need to sit down and do more work on that plan.

Anyway - progress ensues. And I'm already looking forward to the next area ... I'm still only focused on the dining room, but I'm starting to brainstorm ideas. I've decided to just move around the house in order, so my next stop is the hallway - currently a long, boring dark tunnel. At first I despaired of thinking of anything unique to do with that, but then inspiration struck. For starters, it's getting a two-toned paint job, dark color on the bottom, lighter on top, with a small decorative strip of molding (kind of like a chair rail, but not) along the dividing line. Better lighting. A few steampunk touches (why not? it's a great place to add that sort of thing in small doses). Shouldn't actually be too difficult at all ... except maybe stripping the wallpaper. Though I'm kind of encouraged, as the wallpaper all through the hallway and living room is starting to fall down on its own, which thrills me no end. I'm probably the only person on earth who smiles happily every time I see the peeling wallpaper. Because that means it's coming loose on it's own, which hopefully means it won't be such a bear to remove.

I know I'm probably dreaming - it'll come loose easily for another foot or so, then stick like hell everywhere else. Well, whatever - it's coming down, easy or difficult.

Technically the kitchen might be considered the next adjacent area, and there is a TON of stuff I want to do in there, but for some reason, I'm avoiding it. I think it's because most of what I want to do is going to be expensive, and it's the room that needs the least amount of stuff done to it, so it's not bugging me as bad as some of the other areas.

So, I'm psyched, the dining room's moving along, and here in about a month or so ought to be quite pleasant.

Before I go - Rhys, if you're reading this (or still awake after that boring blather), thanks for the reminder about the online meds - I'd actually forgotten about that. That might very well be a good option under the circumstances. You're like Wodehouse's Jeeves - always the perfect idea at the perfect time. :o)

Those Crazy Knitters

I was perusing Ravelry today looking for dog sweater patterns. I seem to have lost Tyler's dog sweater somewhere (it's either buried in the truck from the trip, which is as good as lost as far as I'm concerned; or I lost it in the hotel room, which is also a possibility; regardless, it was pretty ratty anyway) and he's been chilling easily lately, so with winter coming, I really thought he needed a new, cozy warm sweater. I was going to go buy one, but hey - I knit! Why buy a knitted something when I can make it?

But while there, I found these ...

(Disclaimer: I tried to make each item a link to its page on Ravelry, but Ravelry won't let you do that - the link just takes you to a generic internet search page. I suspect it's because Ravelry is a membership-only site [though membership is free]. I apologize if I've stepped on anyone's toes, that was not my intent - I didn't want to infringe on any copyrights or anything like that, I just wanted to share what I thought was some really awesomely creative combinations of yarn and animals. Anyone who is interested in these patterns should hop on over to Ravelry and get your own self a free membership. And if anyone whose pattern pictures I've posted happens across this and feels I am in fact stepping on their toes, please email me at rayneoftara AT yahoo DOT com, and I will promptly remove your portion or the entire post. Again - not trying to offend, just share some of the stuff I found so great at Ravelry).

Okay - moving on ...

I want to get a cat just so I can make this and put it on it.


That was the first in the line of Stacy Mar International Cat Hats (that one being Japan), of which this (Turkey) is also a contender.


And then I want to start a line of Designer Rodent Wear:




These are called "Bear Booties" ...


... and I thought it was a joke until I read the description on the pattern page:

"This pattern is to keep the bear’s paws warm during surgery. Asia Animal Foundation would love 4 booties (since bears have 4 paws) but will happily accept less and combine with other donations."

Who knew?

Likewise, I thought these people had finally crossed the line into Knitters With Too Much Time On Their Hands (Or Too Much Yarn) ...




... till I ran onto yet a third such pattern, and read the info page for it. Turns out that chickens, too, are sometimes rescued as abused animals, and often are missing a lot of their feathers. In cold climates they can freeze to death if not protected until their feathers grow back ... so, this actually is useful.

People who abuse animals deserve to be treated the exact same way they treated their animals.

Anyway - I considered this ...


... but Tyler would never forgive me.

There's just something about knitting a dog sweater out of fake fur that I both love, and makes my eyes kind of cross at the same time.


But I found a couple of potential dog sweater patterns, so I'm off to check them out and hopefully get Tyler warmed up for winter.

Tyler Update

Tyler seems to be doing better and better. I've been leaving the collar off of him for large stretches of time. I put it on when I go to work still, and at night when I go to bed. But otherwise it stays off ... except for those times when Tyler starts frantically trying to rub his eye in the carpet or paw at it, which he did several times last night. Then I put the collar back on for awhile till he gets over it. I'm sure it feels annoying and itches, but I'm really concerned about him doing some kind of damage to it - the vet said it's healing well, and the graft is fully adhered to the eye now, but all the same - it looks so fragile, that graft sitting on top of his eyeball like that. I just can't think rubbing on it can be any good.

The crate's been retired, though, which I'm sure Tyler's beyond thrilled about. During the day I pen him up in the dining room, from which I've removed almost everything, so there's nothing in here for him to hurt himself on. And at night I've been letting him sleep in the bed between me and Greg, then moving him to his dog bed when I get up in the morning. He's been getting restless at night, though, and I'm always paranoid of him getting up and walking off the side of the bed (which I've just barely stopped him from doing several times in the past) - so every time he moves, I wake up. It's not a good plan, and I may start just putting him straight to bed in his own dog bed. But at least he doesn't need the crate.

It's been great seeing him walking around with his eyes so wide open. Greg also commented last night that his eyes look huge, like bigger than normal. So it's not just me. I still don't know whether it's just because we're so not used to seeing them open all the way, since it's been so long, or if he actually is holding them open extra wide.

He's been a lot more active, enjoying his walks, even down to the corner and back, trotting the whole way. Yesterday I got several tail wags from him, something I hadn't seen in awhile. And he's been eating a little better, though he still seems really thin. This week I'm putting him back on a home cooked diet, which he likes better, so hopefully he will eat more.

And, he's navigating around the house just fine - which means the reason he started walking into things back in August probably wasn't a cognitive dysfunction, like one of the local vets said - it was because his eyes were so screwed up. I took him off the Anipryl the week he had surgery, mostly just because there was too much else to worry about, and getting an extra pill in him at that point had become too much of a pain in the ass - especially a pill that I suspected wasn't really necessary anyway. So he hasn't had any of that medication since Sept. 20, and he's doing very well with that. He still doesn't see everything, especially in dim light, but he's pretty much back to how he was this summer. The kids are here this weekend, and were in their room last night, and at one point I found Tyler in their room - he'd gone down the hall, into their room, and was exploring - and there's stuff laying around on the floor, which he was navigating around with no problem. No 'getting lost' in rooms or stuck in corners anymore.

So, screw the Anipryl, his brain's fine.

On October 20 he has an appointment at a holistic vet in Beaver, PA. I actually made that appointment some time ago, before all this emergency eye stuff happened. I'd wanted to take him anyway, to double check his diet and get some guidance on that - but now that he's got all this other stuff going on, I'm really glad we're going. I no longer trust his local vet, and Tyler has several other problems that need checked out. Problems which I'm hoping are relatively minor and/or treatable, but ... I won't know till I get the expert's opinion, and that sure isn't the local vets.

I had written a letter to that vet conglomerate, explaining what happened and how thoroughly I felt they dropped the ball, almost costing Tyler both eyes, totally unnecessarily - but I haven't sent it. I figure once I do, I won't be able to take Tyler there anymore because at the least, the vets involved would probably have a snarky attitude towards me after that.

I'm torn, because on the one hand, I feel the director of that place ought to know how bad they screwed this up. But on the other hand, I could never trust them for anything serious again, yet it would be handy to still have a local vet for mundane stuff like heartworm pills, thyroid medication, and routine blood work, since the holistic vet is over an hour away. I'll have to put some more thought to it.

A Day In The Life ...

An excerpt from texts shared today with my friend Wren (who is as devoted to her pets as I am to Tyler):

Me: Going to get "Complete Idiot's Guide To Edible Weeds" and go live in the wilderness.

Wren: I'm down with running away to live in the woods ... except for the coming winter. And it's hard to find dog food in the wild. At least dog food a Shih Tzu will eat.

Me: Bah. We go south to warmer climes, and let the dogs revel in their wild side - they can hunt.

Me: Wait - a Shih Tzu and a blind cockapoo hunting ... what? Old moles? Might catch a turtle.

Wren: Shih Tzu don't hunt. They sidle up to other animals that have brought down prey and give them moo-moo eyes until they give them something.

Me: I can see Tyler stalking the wild Big Mac.

(then we talked about the fact that I'm recovering from being sick, and how bad colds are going around just now) ...

Me: The cough from hell is what I've got. Sounds like I have consumption. Or the plague.

Wren: Consumption is cooler. The plague is kind of historically nerdy.

Me: Consumption is kind of intellectual - I'm surprised how many people don't know what it is. Apparently you have to have eclectic reading taste to have run across the term.

Wren: Well, or have seen the movie Tombstone.

~~~~~ (later) ~~~~~

Wren: There are online support groups for people who suffer depression because they don't live in the movie Avatar. But none for Middle Earth. Why is that?

Me: Freaks. Avatar-land is just a made-up place, but everyone knows Middle Earth is real.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wren: Weird, I have my MP3 on shuffle and it played all my celtic drinking songs in a row, now it's moved on to Christmas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just wanted to share.

Tyler's Checkup

I took Tyler back to the Akron clinic today for his post-surgery checkup. Things are looking good. The small lesion that was beginning in his left eye has healed completely. The graft in the right eye has fully adhered to the eye, is basically 'sealed' in place all around the perimeter of the graft, as it should have done. The doctor said the hole underneath still has some filling in to do, but over all it's healing well and right on schedule.

The doctor took the two stitches out of Tyler's eyelid. Those stitches, if I didn't mention, were two stitches to hold his eyelid partially closed just at the outside corner, which covered the section of his eye where they cut a flap and folded it over for the graft, and initially even covered a part of the graft, until he began opening his eyes wider. It was done to help keep the cut-and-fold covered, and the graft partially covered, to aid in healing and protect it.

So he can now open his eye all the way. What a sight that was! After having to see him with his eyes squinted closed for so long, seeing him with them wide open is really amazing. They look huge. I'd almost say that he's holding them open extra wide - maybe he is, because maybe it feels so good after all those weeks of pain.

His medicine was changed slightly. He no longer needs the uber-strong antibiotics in his eyes, and instead has been switched to a drop which is partially antibiotic and partially steroid, which will really help them get back in good form quickly.

While his eyes have started producing some tears of their own, they're still not up to full speed. So he is still getting a second medication, an ointment in the eyes that helps them produce their own tears. It still remains to be seen whether they will eventually be fully tear-functional again, or whether he'll always need a boost of some medication to keep them producing tears and remaining moist. He's also still getting three daily doses of artificial tears to keep things lubed up really good.

Oh, and really good news - we can start weaning him off the cone collar. The doctor said by the end of the week we could probably stop using it entirely, unless I feel Tyler's bothering his eye too much and I'm really uncomfortable about it.

So far he hasn't really tried to mess with his eye much at all, except for on a few occasions when he's tried to rub his face on the side of a piece of furniture or something like that. I didn't tell the doc, but I've been giving Tyler some periods free of the cone on occasion already, when I'm right there with him to stop him immediately if he began pawing at his eye. But he never did - he usually just stayed quiet, enjoying the freedom. Now I can give him more extended periods without it, without being so paranoid.

I think I'll still leave it on him at night and when I'm not home, for awhile. I'm still a little nervous about him doing some kind of damage to his eye.

I should be able to stop using the crate soon, too, which ought to make Tyler ecstatic. He's been giving me a lot of grief about going in it at night, and starts banging and scraping the cone around the walls of the crate, which is ungodly loud, and makes it impossible to sleep.

I haven't used the crate during the day these past two days, when I went back to work. I just couldn't accept him being in the crate all night, then out for only a couple hours, then back in the crate for another 8 1/2 hours during the day. Too cruel. So instead I blocked him up in the dining room (with the cone on, of course), removed everything he could possibly hurt himself on by walking into it, and basically left him in an almost empty room in his dog bed. It worked out great, no problems. So I know I can continue that. If I can safely stop using it at night, then he's done with that contraption.

So ... things are going well for Tyler, which is awesome. He sure deserves it, after the weeks of torture he endured because the stupid local vets couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.

It Is What It Is

Yes, this is a little post-vacation rant.

People get all pissy when I'm negative about things, telling me I "should" be more positive. Well, why? Why should I put a rose-colored-glasses spin on something that just sucked? Whatever happened to honesty, to telling it like it is?

We just got home from NC about 45 minutes ago (and for reference it's 4:10 a.m. Sunday morning, October 3). The reason we got home at 3:15 in the morning is because two of the three people involved in this trip unilaterally decided it would be better for them if we drove straight through, without bothering to consult Person 3 (that would be me) as to how I felt, or how this would effect Tyler.

Consequently, Tyler didn't get his dinner - a meal he could ill afford to miss since he's lost so much weight during his illness - and didn't get his last dose of eye medicine for the night. I was planning on feeding and medicating him when we got to the hotel room; by the time I realized we weren't stopping (since no one bothered to enlighten me as to this decision), it was midnight, I was too exhausted to try to put ointment in Tyler's eyes in the dark, there was no way he was going to eat in a moving vehicle - he's been very finicky about food lately, and has to be coaxed into eating - so the whole damned thing was a wash.

Also consequently, I got home wired and unable to go straight to bed, so I'm still up at 4:00 a.m. Which means that whenever I do finally crash, I'll still wake up by 8:00 or 8:30 a.m. - because I always do, no matter how late I go to bed - and I'll be a wreck all day tomorrow from lack of sleep. And I had things to do - like making sure laundry was done for work next week, and going to the grocery store. Conversely, certain others of my travel companions will be able to sleep until 11 or noon - as they frequently do after a late night - and wake up feeling fine tomorrow, with nothing to do all day except relax.

To add insult to injury, I was crammed sardine-esque into the backseat of the truck with Tyler, in what I came to refer to as the sarcophagus. I couldn't move, I couldn't lay down, I couldn't stretch out, I couldn't even put my feet on the floor. This was in part because I had an extra bag in the backseat on the way home that I hadn't had there on the way down, because I had very much wanted a shower Saturday before we left, but I didn't get to take it (which is another story), so I wanted to make sure I had shower stuff with me when we stopped at the hotel.

Which, of course, we didn't do. Had I known that, I'd have packed that crap up in my suitcase instead, and at least had a little more leg room.

Why couldn't I take a shower Saturday morning? Funny you should ask. Because on Friday night certain other people decided to stay up drinking until 3:30 or so in the morning, and one of them got sick all over one of the bathrooms; whereupon, when his girlfriend (not me) discovered this mess, she spent the morning doing laundry and cleaning up not only that mess, but our beach house - which I greatly appreciated, but it involved running the dishwasher - so between the dishwasher and the washing machine, I couldn't take a shower. And by the time they were both done, there wasn't enough time left to do it.

Which is why I desperately wanted to take a shower when we stopped for the night.

Hence my pissiness about the enforced overnight drive, which will have no negative effect on the people who unilaterally made the decision, but will pretty well wreck my Sunday before having to return to work Monday morning. Thanks, guys, for thinking of me and Tyler, instead of only yourselves.

More annoying was that Saturday dawned bright and fair - it was the first time I'd seen the sun in a week, skies were blue, ocean was calm and blue - and we had to leave. By 10:00 a.m. It rained All. Week. With the bonus of the not-tropical-storm that locals were comparing to Hurricane Floyd in 1999, if not in intensity, at least in rainfall (which it surpassed), endurance (an entire day and half the nights before and after), and frenzy (pounding winds and walls of rain for hours on end).

I'm not a Pollyanna, so I'd be lying if I said this was a good trip. It pretty well sucked, to tell you the truth. It sucked bad enough that I'm doubtful I'm going to bother trying it again next year, as far - FAR - too many things would have to change, which are unlikely to change without major upheaval. Because some people get ahold of things that work for them and really rebel about having their working status quo changed on them - despite that it doesn't work for someone else, who footed their fair share of the bill for this fiasco.

My truck now has over 90,000 miles on it, and I am no longer comfortable taking it on these long yearly trips, as I desperately need it to last as long as possible, since I don't know how difficult it's going to be for me to afford to replace it.

In addition, it's WAY too small for three people and a dog, and after the horrific experience of being entombed in the backseat for seventeen hours today, without even being able to lie down comfortably, there is no way in hell I'd ever try that again in this truck.

Thirdly, this trip is getting too difficult to afford anyway - and if we needed to rent a bigger truck (and a bigger beach house, but that's a story for another time), that just adds more to the expense, which I can't afford.

Fourth, if my opinion and the needs of me and my dog aren't going to matter anyway, then why am I going to bother being toted along and inconvenienced at someone else's whim, just so I can contribute my 1/2 of the money (and the transportation)? Screw that.

So ... that's where I'm at, at almost 4:30 a.m. after two weeks of pure hell (because, remember, Tyler's disaster and surgery was just the week prior to our leaving).

September was not a kind month to me.

Bummer.

We found this starfish washed up way up at the high tide line ... except we didn't find it till quite awhile after high tide. When we picked it up, we thought it was still alive, and Greg tried to get it back out in the water, but it just kept washing back onto the beach.

He brought it up and put it in a pan of ocean water to see if it can live till we can get it back in the water, somehow ...but I don't know if its still alive, or how we'll get it out there.

But I never saw one this color - dark purply-blue with orange edges.

I hope it makes it.