Addendum To Last Post

This is why I like to write things out ... when I just think (and stew, and mull), things just spin around in my head and little gets resolved. It seems that when I write them out, I do much better at coming up with actual solutions.

After I posted this morning, I went down and talked to Greg, and said that for the next several weeks (at least) (personally I'm thinking to make this permanent, more or less) I wasn't going to be planning or cooking dinners each night. He could either choose some things to have on hand (frozen dinners, soup, whatever) that he could fix himself, and give me a list or go to the store with me to get it, or he could cook.

I knew he wouldn't mind, because when I say Greg's the best boyfriend in the world, I'm not just saying it to hear myself talk. He really is. I always knew he wouldn't mind, he's told me he didn't care if I cooked dinner every night or not. I mean, he deeply appreciates it when I do, but doesn't expect it of me. No, that was my own fault, I was just raised to believe that it's the woman's job to provide her family hearty, nutritious (ish) meals on a regular basis.

So it was my own conditioning I had to get over, nothing about him I had to 'fix.' And as I expected he was totally okay with it. In fact, he came up with a plan that combines several solutions. He's agreeable to picking up some 'easy meals' like I mentioned, but he also mentioned how he likes to cook, and would be perfectly agreeable to cooking us dinner when he can (he works screwy hours and isn't always home in time to do that).

Unlike me, he doesn't operate on the 'plan ahead' system when it comes to meals, so he'd not be the one to make a weekly menu plan and grocery list. We decided we'd stock up on a variety of meat (frozen) and pantry staples, and then when he had the time and inclination, he'd whip us up some interesting dinner from whatever was on hand.

I love this plan! I don't have to cook, unless I want to. Occasionally we'll still get to have 'real dinners' - and they'll be good, because Greg's a great cook - and otherwise I can forget that issue entirely.

There. One problem solved. Baby steps.

I'm coming more and more to realize that I must yet again re-write my life, re-stage it to fit who I am now and what I want to do. And that is just one step on the way (but a huge one!).

So maybe there's hope after all.

Off to a gig at the Lemon Grove in Youngstown tonight. I'm actually excited, looking forward to it. I used to get such horrible stage fright, and I'd dread every show. I discovered Saturday night I still get horrible stage fright (I became so paralyzed with fear during one song I completely forgot what I was supposed to be playing, and had to just 'fake play' through most of it, just to keep from setting down the fiddle and looking dumb). But there's one difference now - I love playing fiddle so much that I do look forward to that part, and just hope the stupid performance anxiety doesn't interfere so much it ruins the show for me like it more than half did Saturday. So I'm not dreading playing, just dreading the potential stage fright.

I'm working on it (or rather, working on ignoring it, and just getting on with business and fun). Saturday was our first show, and that was probably a lot of the reason for it. Now that I've got that out of the way, I am hoping tonight I can just chill and enjoy myself.