... so anyway ...

I haven't been writing because I've got nothing to say. (But watch me type 42 paragraphs of nothing now). Life's just been pretty blah. After I came home from my wrecked vacation and had my week-long mini-nervous breakdown, I've just been quietly and unassumingly settling back into some sort of routine, albeit it a very 'blah' one. Muddling through the day at work, then coming home and wasting copious amounts of time on this stupid Yahoo game, Alchemy. Evil little creation, that. Freaking addicting. We have a very 'love - hate' relationship.

I don't usually get into computer games of any sort, just as I was never interested in video games. It's a rather odd turn of events that that's about all I want to do. Not interested in knitting or tapestry weaving or embroidery or any other hobby. Reading comes and goes ... some days I do nothing but read, other days I couldn't stand the thought of a book full of words in front of my face.

I spoke briefly, by phone, to a counselor a few weeks ago. Don't know if I ever mentioned that or not. It wasn't anything in depth, just a friend of a friend who happens to also do counseling, who was willing to talk to me when I was in the depths of my crack-up after Pennsic. But brief though the conversation may have been, he said several wise things that have really stuck with me.

One of them was that after all that has happened this year, I really am not the same person I was before. I mean, yeah, every season, every year, most of us change to at least some degree. But this kind of thing is different. My whole world, as I've known it my entire life, has now shifted alarmingly. Nothing can ever be the same after this spring, no matter how hard I might try to maintain some semblance of a status quo. He (the counselor) said that I may very well find myself losing interest in things I used to be passionately interested in, and then at some point becoming interested in new things which never intrigued me before.

So this complete loss of interest in all my former hobbies doesn't concern me too much. I feel like I'm in a sort of limbo, or purgatory, just waiting till I see what's going to happen next. "What's going to happen next" doesn't necessarily mean what's going to happen to me, just what, in the greater scheme of things. Could be a new opportunity that I was never before in a position to look at, or new interests of some sort that I never considered before.

I don't know, but whatever it is, it hasn't happened yet, and I remain in the holding pattern, waiting to see which way the wind's going to blow, or for that matter how much it's going to blow. Yeah, lame pun intended.

I seem to only be able to move from one Important Thing to the next, needing some solid anchor point to make for. The next big thing on my horizon is the last vacation of the year. Every year the Dread Reverend and I take the first week of October off. This year we're going to North Carolina. I rented a beach house, right on the coast of Emerald Isle (ocean side, of course). That wasn't cheap, but this is my year for financial indulgence, while I can - with the sale of the house I have a little money to spare, and I'm treating myself to the best vacation I can put together - especially since the last one sucked so badly. We specifically chose a place that allows pets, so I can take Tyler with us (yay!). It's not his first trip to the coast, we took him to Virginia Beach a few years ago. He was unimpressed. Didn't give a rat's ass about the ocean, although he was fairly fascinated with the beach critters, especially a dead hermit crab he found. We were staying in a small, rather crappy hotel room that time. This time we've rented an entire beach house, so he ought to be considerably more comfortable. The roughest part of that trip - for all of us, but especially him - will be the 12 or 13 or more hour drive there (and back) - stuck in a truck that long. We'll have to make lots of stops, that's all I know.

I'm working hard on not creating any grand scenario in my mind of how wonderful and rejuvenating this vacation is going to be ... last time I tried that, I was hideously disappointed, and I think the disappointment was the deeper for the grand heights I'd held in hope. I'm not being purposely maudlin either, but this time I'm trying to just stay rather middle-of-the-road ... it'll be a nice relaxing vacation at the beach. In a very nice beach house. That's about it. Lots of time for relaxation, for sure ... even if it rains (a la Pennsic) so what? I have a whole house and a covered porch. And a hot shower and a washer and dryer, so even if I decide to go out in the rain, no big deal - I can get clean and dry again in a jiffy, not have to live in squishy squalor for days on end.

(We're not even going to mention the 'worst case scenario' of an East Coast beach vacation in October ... I'll just say, I bought the traveler's insurance).

Today is my dad's birthday. It was more difficult than I expected. The only fitting tribute I can think of right now is the chorus to a song he wrote, that I happen to be able to remember by heart:

All of my hard times are gone, no more will I need to roam
The holy winds of heaven blow through my soul,
And all of my hard times are gone.