Yes, I'm still here. More or less. Let's see, what news do I have to impart? I got Tyler's test results. It was cancer, but it was a type that never spreads. So removal of the tumor is considered a complete cure. According to the vet, he should be fine, with no further problems. That is good news. And he's been feeling great - lots of energy, playing, generally a jovial Poo. One good thing in life.
The rest of the news isn't so great. I seem to have dropped into one of my depressions. I say 'one of my' because it happens from time to time. I'm just reaching levels of stress that are really wearing on me. Between dad, and problems with this house, and despairing of being able to afford a bigger house (the Dread Reverend's optimism notwithstanding), and my job ... it's all culminated in me just wanting to dig a deep burrow and not come out until ... I don't know what. It all goes away, I guess.
I suddenly became very claustrophic in this house ... it's a tiny, tiny house, and I just can't stand it anymore when all four of us are here at one time. (Me, the Dread Reverend, and the little DRs). I told him, we need to buy a bigger house. He's all for it. I of course got all Eyeore-ish about it immediately after suggesting it, and hunting through hundreds of listings online hasn't helped. Houses the size we need are expensive. We have no money. I'd have to go back to work full time. How will I take care of my dad then? I asked him if he'd consider moving in with us. He got fatalistic about it and told me, Eyeore-ish himself, that he supposed he didn't have any choice in the matter, and he'd have to do whatever I said. He wasn't mad at me - I'm sure, though I can't say I personally understand it since I'm not 81 years old, that he's just feeling terribly frustrated and burdensome because of his inability to fully take care of himself any more. I don't see it that way, but I can see that he does. So the whole 'let's get a bigger house' thing has just spiraled down into another source of stress.
Consequently, I haven't even been in the mood to work on any projects. I did no sewing again last Sunday, and haven't even worked on the log cabin blanket all week. I took a vacation day Friday - was supposed to be for some much needed R&R. Unfortunately my boss managed to bugger that up as well. I asked him last week for two days off this week (knowing myself well enough to know that when I get this stressed, one day probably isn't enough) and I wanted to use one of the days to go out and Do Something with the Dread Reverend. You know, like a day-trip mini-vacation. I thought about going to a museum or something. My boss told me I couldn't have two days, I could have one. I asked him which day, he said Wednesday. That worked out well, since this is the Dread Reverend's down week, and he'd be home and available that day. Tuesday about 15 minutes before it was time to leave work for the day, my boss told me I couldn't have Wednesday after all, how about Friday. Fine, whatever, I'd take it. But Friday, we couldn't do anything because he had a gig in the afternoon (early St. Patrick's Day stuff). Meanwhile, between the time I asked for the time off and the time I got it, I sunk into this depression, making me not feel like doing anything anyway.
So it turned out to pretty well be a wasted day off. Lovely.
I don't suppose it helps that we went from sunny and 70s on Tuesday to cold and snowy for the past several days.
The Dread Reverend also had gigs all day today. I made it to the last one, but only stayed about 45 minutes because the place was packed - a sardine would have felt at loose ends in that place. There was no place to sit, I ended up standing in the doorway the whole time. I couldn't take that and left. He's off to a private party tonight, but I'm too bushed to be up for it. It's only 10:30 but I'm probably heading for bed when I finish this post.
So that's how my life has been going for the last week. Very challenging.
I did, however, get up the motivation to start a new project. More information and a picture on that tomorrow. And I've been incredibly re-inspired to work on the Tolkien quilt, thanks to a Tolkien-friend's beautiful artwork. I may work on that tomorrow as well.
At least there's hope for Sunday this week.
Oh yeah - Happy St. Patrrick's Day.
No comments:
Post a Comment